Lovable Doll

        Loving a doll is extremely easy, just as it is easy to write on a smooth surface, drink tasteless water, paint over white with color. Emptiness is what makes it easy, but also superficial. When I was just a little girl my favorite thing was a Barbie doll, she would look great in everything i dressed her in and she was easy to deal with, her features never seamed to get old. Lack of character however made in impossible for me to satisfy my need for creative growth, so one day i decided to cut her hair and see what happens. When I asked my mom for scissors she replied "Maria, don't do it, you wont love her anymore" and that is exactly what happened, the moment her silky fake hair fell to the floor there was only a day left of my so called fondness for Barbie, and I think Kent secretly wanted to get a divorce.
      That is exactly the kind of image I grew up with, beautiful is easy and beautiful is the only thing that makes sense.  Now of course there is a lot of things that hold true when it comes to love and beauty: genes, a primal instinct and a whole grocery bag of hormones control our view and thought on what is attractive or not; shiny hair, slim figure smooth complexion are all part of good reproductive health. This explanation has been the cornerstone of my excuse of why I carry a compact in my purse, why I'm always on a diet, my obsession with perfect fitting designers clothes and my judgment of people who do not take care good care of them selves. This was my way of thinking for the first half of an adult life until I decided to put all the prejudices aside and get a tattoo. As I was lying in bed a few hours after the artwork on my back stopped bleeding, I thought about the reaction from friends and family. Being vain my entire life, people surrounding me are safe to say were alike, and the more I tried to change the harder it was, their perception of me as a lovable doll was stronger than my desire to become a simple nice person. It is a prejudice I had to battle within myself as well, that people who get tattoos have less morality and beauty.
     Tattoos, haircuts, scaring even amputation are all body modifications, that change a person one way or another, pleasurable or through hardship, and in terms of looking at each other from an "animalistic" point of view is primal and not necessary. We evolved if not from primates then from a wild form of human, we developed compassion, trust, love, guilt; we developed consciousness. We are aware of other people more than we are aware of the wild planet we inhabit, we see "souls", personalities and character, we make a judgment call based on actions and words. Our primal days are not over, and never will be, but they were also never about vanity. My tattoo shows my passion for what I believe, a blue ribbon, a ribbon that is attached to quality and raises awareness for child abuse, non of which are based on looks, but rather on principal and virtue. It is easy to love a doll, a doll doesn't have flaws but also it doesn't have attributes that makes it unique and interesting and worth living for.